How to Start a Vineyard Part 16: Those Damn Aphids

Running a vineyard, however, is a form of masochism. It couldn’t be otherwise, because not only do you pay a fortune for entry to this theater of life, but immediately after crossing the threshold, the toothless ticket agent announces that something will hit you during the performance, only, due to her advanced age, she no longer remembers what or exactly when.

So you sit nervously on the edge of a wooden chair, your body tense in a defensive posture, and wait—the waiting itself is agony. The worst part is, you don’t even know from which direction the attack will come. It could be an aphid currently consuming the hibernaculum, or an invisible eriophyid that recently bit the seyval. It could also be a fungus, a nutrient deficiency, or a bird nibbling on the vines. Even a mole is hard to rule out.

What doesn’t make the situation any better is that, running an organic vineyard, I’m like a knight without armor thrown into the thick of heavy troops. What’s more, they forgot to train me in swordsmanship, yet they threw me right into the thick of it. Man, you’re on your own.

There’s something going on from morning till night. I’m currently at my in-laws’, brewing a decoction of mugwort, or as the locals call it, wormwood, to kill those pesky aphids. If that doesn’t help, we’ll try nettle or another concoction: water, oil, and dishwashing liquid. Fortunately, ladybugs have also taken a liking to our vineyard; it must be a huge party for them, because some are devouring those damn bugs while others are happily copulating nearby. And that’s a good thing. A rapid population growth is highly recommended at this point.